Patterns

It is historistic for me to say, “history repeats itself.” This, however, is a broad statement. Whatever do I mean by this? I wish for it to be made known I do not hold to the beliefs of historicism. I do find it interesting the patterns that can be seen throughout history, and I do think that by this statement, it is not far off.

Sin carries out in a pattern— a generational pattern that can be seen throughout families. Historical events have been known to repeat themselves. There are lessons to be learned from previous mistakes. Have I made mistakes? Yes. Have I learned from them? Most certainly.

I’ve learned from my first year as an online student at Liberty. Manage your time better. So many times have I pushed things until the day they’re due. I’m slightly better than this, but they do say old habits die hard. This is an old habit that is dying hard like a crooked politician. And it doesn’t help at all that I’m the queen of procrastination. Another thing I’ve learned: always take into consideration what the weather is before you go outside to walk to class. Is it hot as Hell’s front porch? If so, maybe don’t where a black long seelve.

Although I don’t feel I have learned from this previous event. This previous event taking place this past summer. I don’t even want to call it a mistake because I don’t think it was really my fault. It didn’t feel like a mistake at first. I didn’t go about this like I do when making a life altering decision. If I don’t take an opportunity of a lifetime that actually would benefit me for the rest of my life for the good, that would be a mistake. What I’m talking about that happened this summer was nothing of the sort. There was no thought process. I was making a friend. You don’t think about friendships as potential mistakes. Unless of course, you have experienced a downfall. This of course leads into our next section: my previous downfalls in friendships.

This is written for a particular person. And I’m going to leave it at that. My history has repeated itself, and all I have to say is I should have known. I should have seen the trends, I should have done something to prevent myself from falling straight off the ledge of Crabtree Falls. Of course, any other person reading this wouldn’t catch my reference, but you would. After all, you took me there.

I still don’t know what to make up of it. Three months of my life, almost the best I’ve ever had. But I haven’t much to compare it too. It was a small town, and we got along well. It was just like him before, back so many years ago. You know, I wrote him a letter too. History repeats itself. Funny right?

You made me laugh so many times. And when you touched my hand, I thought it was something. He never did that. And maybe that was for the better. There was a song that was playing that moment it happened, and I still get some strange reflective experience when I listen back to it. Loneliness? Longing for that kinship once again? I feel as though I’ve lost a friend, and in away I have. It brings me back to all the lonely Alabama summers I’ve had, which is a lot. And this summer, you brought joy. And I’m thankful for that. History repeats itself.

God reminds me again, that He places people in our lives for seasons. Some for years, others for three months. Just like you.

I don’t know what my future holds. But, sweetheart, I’m not dewelling or waiting for you to make up your mind. I’m going my own way, and whether or not you want to be a part of that. It’s up to you.