Lessons learned from those who hurt.

Lessons learned are what hurt. I have come to know our fate, but I still long for what I want us to be. However, what I want means nothing to what is set. I have come to except this; this is the way life is— nothing comes fairly. What I want is entirely separate from what I need.

You are so beautiful. I loved all your surface details, they made me warm inside. The way you touched me made me want more— and that‘s where it became an obsession. I wanted the idea of being in a relationship but not actually you. And the funny thing is, you were the one to stop talking to me, but I was the one obsessed. We are not meant to be. I understand what God has to say. Lesson learned.

The river grew low, the days are short. Birds flea their home, south, escaping the cold. I fled that one place, and cannot bring myself to go back. It was home away from home, my heart holds a special place for that park, but you are there— a wall I need to face, a mountain to climb. Terrified, heartbeat quickens, stomach sinks at the thought of facing you, and maybe that says something. God‘s telling me something. I don’t know how long I can get away with this, avoiding that place, avoiding you.

„Explore!“ you exclaimed. But I could never bring myself to up to that point. An introvert, terrified of the unfamiliar. You showed kinship, you were all I had. Everyone I knew were back at home, five hundred or more miles away. You were there, at my fingertips. We climbed mountains, and we watched stars and planets wander. You can‘t do that and expect me to not get attached.

Sing your river songs—my heart fluttered at the thought. Oh how I miss that, oh how I want that. I could write a millions songs of what you did, and it would never suffice to forfill me. I will always have something to say to you; I will always have a place in my heart for you.

I have never been able to hold a grudge against someone; I’ve always seen beauty in them, no matter the flaw. I always see the good in the relationship, what was beautiful in it. You were in my life for a reason, I don‘t know if you feel the same way. You have, unbeknownst, taught me a lesson. A lesson that I will carry forth in my journey through life. Thank you for all that you have done; thank you for holding my hand. Thank you for helping me grow. In that way, I see this as a beautiful thing. Even if it lasted for three months, it was enough to teach me. I hope it taught you. Lessons learned.