Another universe

It’s strange living in a universe without my mother. You don’t notice it at first—it slips past you like a summer breeze would. The bright sun, causing a moments of blindness preventing you from noticing—a sweet little distraction.

But there is also that one exception, if you would call it that. One moment, where it catches you. A hitch in your breath, where you remember. And it nearly paralyzes you in place. You can’t do anything else but remember.

I like to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. It reminds me I am here—I am alive. Even if it’s without you. I have to accept this reality, even when it seems like I have been placed in the wrong timeline. I let the sun embrace me as I recollect the memory of you. I have to accept these moments when they come. Embrace them. They are all I have now. It’s been two years and two months. I don’t know if it will ever go away, I don’t expect it to. I don’t want it to. It is my way of never forgetting—and maybe it’s you not letting me forget. If that’s at all possible. I don’t know.

I suppose I will never have that figured out. Instead I will let it pass over me. I will go on with my life and let my mother remind me of her memory.

the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever. The rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.

Ps 19:9